Wednesday, May 11, 2011

5 months

As of May 1st - I have lost 94 lbs. 376 sticks of grade A butter. Folks, I am almost at the century mark. So close, yet it seems so far away. I had a check-up with Dr. Valentine and everything looks good. I was warned that the weight-loss would start slowing down. (8-10 lbs average a month is what I can start to expect). I was also told about plateaus. I really didn't need to be told, as I experienced my first one. I didn't lose a single pound for almost 14 days. Now most would be thinking "well that's not bad, why are you complaining...look how much you have lost". And it really isn't - but up until this point, I have been consistently dropping pounds like hot potatoes. I know there is a "magic window" where optimal weight-loss occurs. Statistics show that people lose about 80% of what weight they will lose overall within the 1st 6 months following surgery. I hate that the honeymoon period is coming to an end. So there is a need to change my mindset/expectations as things slow down. I need to be more patient. I also think this is the time where I really have to start to deal with all the "other" things that contributed to my fluffiness. Things like coping mechanisms and how most of mine relate to food. (Well that, and the fact that I actually feel hungry sometimes). If I am happy, I want to eat. If I am sad, I want to eat. I equate socialization with food (girls lunch bunch or date night, bbq's...that sort of thing). While I now cannot physically scarf down 1/2 a pan of brownies - it doesn't mean that I don't crave them. But it's interesting that I am noticing the cravings for what they are. And don't even get me started about PMS cravings...no amount of stomach bypass can eliminate those :) I find that on most days, I crave salt (which is new for me). But I must admit, I find myself a little frustrated that the scale is slowing down.

The other thing that has happened is that I have decided to run the Dirty Dash 10K this summer (end of August) with Trace and some family and friends. I am anxious to get that part of my life back. This race is right up my alley. It's all about having fun and challenging yourself. In my bright mind, I decided to start running. Not training - but I wanted to see how my body would react to a jog. So I ran 1/2 mile. Nothing serious. Other than asthma, my body and muscles felt great. Things were moving together. But then it happened. I got a little pain in the top of my left hip. It was the same faint pain that I have been getting off and on since I started working out after the surgery. It wasn't in the hip joint, but on the top crest part of the hip. Nothing major - it was more of an annoying pain. After the short jog, I went and played volleyball. The hip pain kept getting worse, but I played through assuming the pain was chalked up to the "your body isn't what it used to be" reason. By the time I went to bed, I couldn't sleep because the pain was so intense. It hurt to move, it hurt to lay down, I was miserable. By the time I got up, both sides of my hips were hurting. Every step I took, it felt like someone was stabbing me with an icepick. I walked like E.T. (and said Oooouch) Working out for the next week wasn't even an option, as I couldn't even walk normal.

I finally decided enough was enough, and went to a chiropractor. I went in thinking it was my TFL muscle...but it appears to be the iliopsoas muscle group. The hard thing is - the one set of muscles that can't be easily reached, and that remain "flexed" most of the time - is the group that decided to wreak havoc on me. We are still in the beginning phases as to what type of therapy to use. It looks like it will be a process of elimination. So first, we have to work on decompressing my lower back because apparently that can be a problem (same problem I have had for the past 14 years...but who's counting?), which can create bigger problems - such as hip issues. Deep tissue massage therapy is also something that the Dr thinks will help. My big issue with all of this?!? Time. The time it takes for these things to heal can be painstakingly slow. Time is something that I don't have. I need to exercise to help with plateaus. I need to start training for the 10k pretty quick (within the next 3 weeks) if I want to be ready. I haven't worked out for 2 weeks now - and I still have pain every time I take a step, especially right after I stand up. Tomorrow I am going to try some yoga and see if I can tolerate that. I am just afraid that my body, because it has been under so much stress, might take longer to heal. Getting old is stupid.

Where's E.T. when you need him? Can't he just say Oooouch and heal me? Please.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

kid-isms

Aleana-ism:

Me: Aleana, how was your day at school?

Aleana: Fine. I played basketball at recess.

Me: Really?!? Like the "just shooting the ball around" kind of basketball, or the real thing?

Aleana: The real thing. It was girls against boys.

Me: {GRIN - my heart swelling with pride...now that's my baby girl!} Sounds like fun - how'd you play?

Aleana: Um - not that good. But I was only playing because Matthew was on the boys team and I think he's cute.

Wait. What's that sound? A jet? No, that would be the air deflating from my proud mama bear ego. Boys are stupid. Basketball is WAY more fun :)

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Trent-ism's:

Most of Trent comes in a form of a question. The amount of curiosity that he has is a little crazy - or maybe that's how I feel by the end of the day from having to answer all his questions. A few samples you ask?

1. Mom, if my foot got chopped off - would you buy me a peg-leg, or would you get me a fake foot?

2. How old do you have to be for the bump in your belly button to goes away - because Hannah still has a bump in hers, but I don't in mine.

3. Is the hydrogen field the same thing as the gravity field around a red dwarf star?

I can explain the difference between an innie and an outie, but try explaining the idea of gravity, in terms of a red dwarf star. Never a dull moment...I think he's a champion of the 20 Question game. However, as he has pointed out time and time again, I am not the champion of having good enough answers.

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Hannah-ism:

Hannah is a smart cookie - unfortunately she took after her mom when it comes to word confusion. She knows which word she means to say - but it doesn't always come out that way. Her current victims of word confusion? Beauty. And booty. She gets it mixed up. Not a good thing when she likes to watch Disney's Beauty and the Beast.

Let's just hope she gets it right, before I get embarrassed in public this time.
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Luke-ism:

If I say "Luke, give me a kiss", he just tilts his head so I can kiss the top of it. And most of the time, he doesn't even stop doing whatever it is he is doing. Nope, just a cute little charlie-brown-head tilt is all I need.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Do our part.

Yesterday, as I sat down on the couch to watch one of my "shows", the abc network logo appeared on the screen and interrupted the 2-hour season finale. My first thought? What the ____??? Right in the middle of my show? C'mon - the one time I can sit down and watch TV?!? Then a split second later my heart dropped, heavy with dread. The dread that can only come from hearing a voice come over the air saying "We interrupt your regularly scheduled programing to bring you this special report"...which of course is always followed by dramatic music only used when an urgent message is about to be conveyed. I never used to give these special reports a second thought... until the 9/11 attacks happened.

Emotions and memories of that day still play on my feelings of dread. Trace, cutting his morning classes short, came storming in the door of our tiny-this is all we can afford-government-subsidized apartment and told me to turn on the TV. We watched in horror as we saw the events of tragedy unfold. Life changed in an instant. Lives were taken away and a nation's idea of being invincible was shattered. The word "terrorist" took on a whole new meaning that literally hit right at home. Our nation was attacked by an enemy that could not be defined within the realms of a single country. It was a new kind of war, which at that time, could not be defined.

As I found myself sitting in front of the TV, not quite 10 years later, with that same feeling of dread...I couldn't help but feel a twinge of fear followed by the mental question of what now? We all know our nation is changing. The world climate is, for the lack of a better word, unstable. We haven't been immune to the current state of the economy. Then there seems to be an onslaught of significant natural disasters that are effecting millions of people. So what is it now? Another tsunami? A nuclear meltdown? A devastating earthquake? How many people are going to suffer? A bomb? A mass shooting? My only conundrum of what now was trying to differentiate whether the to-be-annoucned disaster was going to be man-made or something bigger than us all.

Then it was announced:

Osama Bin Laden is dead.

It took a moment to sink in. I simply could not believe it. I wanted it to be verified by more than just a "reliable" source, so I flipped through the very limited list of channels we get via antennae on TV. Everyone was broadcasting the same thing. The president would be soon be addressing the nation. This was the real deal. Clips of Bin Laden and his reign of terror were shown. Time lines were discussed. All I could think was...finally. We finally got him. Justice has been served. There was no cheering, no jumping for joy. My thoughts turned to the lives affected, be it directly from the 9/11 attacks or the war on terror that has followed.

I logged onto facebook and it was lit-up with status updates regarding the death of this horrible man. I turned my attention back to the TV. The newscasters were patiently waiting for President Obama to speak - as his time to do so had been delayed several times. Then clips of video were being shown in real time. People at the White House. People at ground zero. Cheering. Cheering for the country. Cheering for, among other things, justice and victory.

But I have to admit - I couldn't help but feel uneasy. I looked around at the faces of those cheering in the crowds. The majority of these cheering people were young. College age. And I couldn't put my finger on it, but this cheering business just didn't feel right. I couldn't understand what warranted the breaking out in song and dance in the streets. How is this honoring those lives lost? How is this honoring the men and women that have put their lives on the line to fight this man, his group and it's ideals? How can having hatred of an evil man bring about joyous shouts and celebration? Isn't that what Osama's followers did when he claimed a victory on the evil empire of America? Didn't they cheer in the streets? Now, I know it's not the same, because what he did was wrong. And what we did was bring an end to what he began. But having hatred? Even though it can be easily justified, can cheering for the demise of an evil leader who was responsible for thousands of deaths, be okay if it is fueled by hatred? Is it the right thing to do?

MLK said:

"But there is another side which we must never overlook. Hate is just as injurious to the person who hates. Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true.

...We never get rid of an enemy by meeting hate with hate; we get rid of an enemy by getting rid of enmity. By its very nature, hate destroys and tears down; by its very nature, love creates and builds up. Love transforms with redemptive power.

Is there enough love to solve this war on terror? In this life? I doubt it. I know it's more complicated than any one person could ever define. I know with Osama's demise, closure has been brought to many families. A chapter has been closed in what is now a much bigger book. I also know it isn't over. But there should be enough love and light to do the right thing, at least on the home front. Instead of allowing hatred to fuel cheers on the account of death, we should focus our energy on being grateful. We should express feelings of gratitude to those responsible for carrying out justice, for those who have accomplished their missions - or have died while valiantly trying to do so. We need to be part of the solution. How would I convey my gratitude? I would shake a service members hand, look him/her in the eye, and say Thank You. Thank you for your service, for your sacrifice, and for ensuring the continued freedoms that we take for granted - including the right to speak our opinions on such, and to do so freely.

Our soldiers do their part everyday. Now we need to do ours.