Luke had his contrast MRI yesterday (the general anesthesia went much better than I anticipated). I hadn't heard from the Dr. yet, so I called this morning and spoke to the nurse. She told me that we needed to come in this Thursday (in two days) to see Dr. Cherny - which means she wouldn't give me the results over the phone. Sigh. I tend to over-think things, but here is my take on all of this is:
If there was was a critical problem, they would have called me right away, and discussed it over the phone - or at least made me come in today. If there was nothing wrong, then the nurse would have told me when I called - and would not make it necessary to see the neurosurgeon so soon (we weren't scheduled to see Dr. Cherny until the end of the month after all the development assessment stuff was done, which still isn't done yet). So what could this mean? Well, it means it's the in-between stuff. Something isn't right and the Dr. needs to sit us down and talk to us. Now I keep going over all the "possibilities" in my head. I keep telling my brain to shut-up, but it's so busy worrying, that is won't listen to my inner-yelling. I am having a hard time getting anything done. I hate when things paralyze me like this.
Trying to get my mind off things - I decided to exercise. I always feel better when I do - and the additional oxygen to my head might help me focus on something else. Anyway, I was getting changed and decided to weigh myself. The results? I have officially lost 50 lbs. FIFTY POUNDS! (Imagine 50 tubs of butter). That is a huge milestone for me. It's been 2 months and 7 days since my surgery.
I now have conflicting emotions. Half of me is thrilled, while the other half feels helpless. The part of my soul - full of motherly love - is heavy, but a part of my heart is lightened (both figurative and literally). How is it that I can feel both? I suppose this is how it's meant to be. Feeling the warmth and light is what keeps us sane. And is what keeps us from gloom and darkness.
Then a friend of mine posted a quote that touched my heavy, er light, sometimes heavy heart:
" A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely." ~ Roald Dahl
I think the same sunbeams work to lighten the inner-face of our souls.
4 comments:
Oh Sheri...I just can't imagine having to worry about my little baby boy in that situation. I pray that you will have peace in this trying time. And congrats on your milestone!!!
I love you. You are so great, you know that! I hope the news is good news and they just need to explain the details. Privacy act you know. Glad you loved the quote. I thought it was great. Hugs!
Sheri you have a lot going on. The good and the scary. You are a good mother and so you worry. My prayers will be with you. (And high-five on the weight loss. That is AWESOME!)
I love the quote. And to be honest when I think of you I think of your smiling face. Such a beautiful girl. My visiting teacher reminds me so much of you. Anyway, just know you are beautiful inside and out!
YAY! for the 50lbs mark!!!!! That was such a huge number for me. Keep up the good work.
Luke is going to be just fine. He is just too cute for anything else.
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